I Promised my All

I promised my all to God. I promised it long ago when the promise to serve Him was an easier one to make. Challenges were still there physically 20 years ago because of the effects of a motorcycle accident and multiple sclerosis. My youthfulness was on my side. I am in my upper 50s now and a lot wiser through the grace of God. Smarter in the sense that I understand that I must always rely on His grace to persevere with patience and avoid looking too far ahead or focusing on the past and what "could have been." God showed me perspective. A resounding "YES" was all He was asking for from me.

A year ago, on March 1, 2022, I crossed out the page in my journal following St. Faustina's example, and I meant it.

I knew I was on a course of physical progression. I have multiple sclerosis (MS), which affects everyday functions most people probably take for granted. I also have a traumatic brain injury (TBI) that has been the thing that has arisen more as the 800 lb gorilla in the room. 

About two years ago, I developed new health issues that would strip me of many of the things I loved and did to try to stay healthier and more active. For instance, the activity (rowing in particular) became something I could no longer do. It caused me to sweat, which caused a rash that led to a new diagnosis of a rare disease called mastocytosis. Mastocytosis caused the mast cells in my body, histamine, and cytokines, to proliferate and cause a cascade of allergic reactions that could lead to anaphylaxis. I had to start a new protocol of medications which included carrying an EPI pen everywhere and being watchful for histamine releases. I also discovered that my healthy and clean diet was causing increased histamines: rashes, flushes, and an onslaught of stomach acids that were crippling and painful.

Another thing that started that would further the death of some more of my independence was vertigo. Along with that vertigo came vertiginous migraines. Along with the migraines has come a seizure disorder diagnosis, also called epilepsy—the freedom I had with driving and governing my schedule and days was suddenly falling out beneath me.

But I gave all to God, right?

Yes, I gave it all—even this. Through His grace, I know that He can keep me safe for today, and He can keep me safe for eternal life. That's my prayer. So today, I will look to Him in all facets of my life: the struggles, joys, pains, forgetfulness, fatigue, and even seizures. I give all to Him and nothing less. He knows about my floundering, but still, I give all.

I pray that you can do the same. God can give you grace if you ask for it. When turning your face to Him in all aspects of your life, He will provide you with peace beyond all understanding which is pretty awesome! Just do it.

Oh God, come to my assistance. Lord make haste to help me. 

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.